A True Friend or a False Friend?

It all started a few years ago, I was at the age of 20 and Markus I met he was at the age of 25. We had in many ways such a good friendship, we talked often about end relationships and the troubles of our past. In of these 4 years friendship we felt connected to another and we almost ended together but it went diffrently. As I met John and fallen in love with him, as a friend I felt it was the right way to tell Markus of my new Boyfriend. Instead he was pissed off, revealing that he had feelings for me and that he felt of betrayal. I did not know of his feelings for me and soon after that he broke the contact. I felt very sad of loosing such a close friend and there where Times I needed a good advice but he wasn´t there. Wasn´t there as in- he said he didn´t want any contact and I respected that,even when I saw him online and needed a friend badly-I respected this and never asked.

After 2 months I was happy with John but also sad about Markus,until he wrote to me. He said that he was sorry and felt ashamed of his actions. So we becamed friends again, although from Time to time I can tell that he was jealouse about John. He didn´t say he was jealouse but many of his actions assumed he was and as I told Markus that John and I broke up-it was very obviose that he was Happy.

Soon we got along so well again and flirted often with each other, I asked him if he could imagine me as his Girlfriend. Yet he said that his almost finish with his Diplom coming next year and that he wouldn´t have any time for a Relationship. So I told him I´d wait 1 year and he said I shouldn´t but he is willing to start a Relationship after his Diplom. During this period I was busy on my job so I could take some time off and looked forward me and Markus coming June of 2008.

After a year I was really excited and Markus told me he had succesfully made his Diplom etc. Then soon he looked for a stable job and then things went weird. He started to be strange...seemed bored,then acted very cold towards me. I thought it was his job and kept telling myself..give him Time and space. I had such a weird feeling and I felt really heart broken- my feeling was that Markus must have a girlfriend already since he seemed uninterested in me. But I didn´t believe what my heart said and kept hoping that Markus and I would be togehter soon.

Its December 26, I called Markus to wish him a Happy New year and that I am single. Then tears run down my cheeks as he told me that since July he met someone and was since then in a Relationship. He said he was sorry but he had feelings for me too although he had a girlfriend. I was in the inside quite..I didn´t know what to do or say. I just wished him all the best in life and happiness. Even though he broke my heart, I know a friend wishes the best for their friends no matter what situation you are in. I broke the contact for a while, Markus tried to call me often but I didn´t want to answer. Instead of saying that he was sorry-he said I must be Happy that he told me. Yeah told me-like 6 months later...great thats great news I told him.

I stayed a while,nearly 2 years single..I just have had it with Relationships. I was unhappy with myself, felt often bad and giving myself the fault that I had nobody.

August of 2010 I met Robert,at first it was just friendship...same feeling of friendship,just like between me and Markus. Within Time I felt very attracted to him but I didn´t want to make hope of getting togehter with Robert for I often considered that I have nothing to offer him. I´ve often hoped that a guy would ask me to be his girlfriend..it may sound old fashioned but I always hoped for it. It was the 7th of December and Robert asked me if I would have the honor to be his girlfriend. He knew of my feelings for him and I was so happy of him asking, and now Robert and I are still together. We are happy althoght we live arounf 400km away from each other,we try to see each other as often as we can.

And Markus...well he isn´t happy with his Gf and broke his relationship in the middle of May 2011. I wished for him the best in life and he asked me a few times already to break up with Robert. But I won´t and will not break up, because I´ve often felt as if I was Markus second choice when things went wrong in his Life.

I am no one´s second choice and I am happy with Robert and of the future Joy that lies ahead between us.